,

you have left me in a state of disbelief. never in my wildest dreams would i have ever imagined that i would be sitting her beside my self. words of lauryn hill " ex-factor " replay in the head as if its the hottest song ever to be heard .

is this just a silly game, that forces you to act this way, forces you to scream my name,

then pretend that you can't stay.

tell me, who I have to be to get some reciprocity,

no one loves you more than me. & no one ever will.

no matter how i think we grow, you always seem to let me know, it ain't workin'

it ain't workin' & when i try to walk away you`d hurt yourself to make me stay

this is crazy, this is crazy.

i keep letting you back in. how can i explain myself. as painful as this thing has been,

i just can't be with no one else. see i know what we got to do. you let go and i'll let go too.

'cause no one's hurt me more than you. & no one ever will.

recently my days have been cold in uncomfortable, i been feeling sick. about 4 outta 5 times during the day i have been at the verge of throwing up. possibly throwing up ever thing i ever felt for you. about to 2 times i was no longer on the verge, my body finally gave in. i vomited. my appetite has been fairly weak. i have no desire to eat, & when i do take a chance to stuff my face with food, my stomach gets upset. my body no longer knows how to react. it no longer knows how to feel. enjoy life for what it is. instead i keep sinking further & further into this depressing state, & dragging my best friend down with me. im afraid to go threw this alone.


lately the only thing that can possibly make me happy for 15 mins or less is my best friend bre`auns impersonation of joniths infamous " lil mama, sooo you wanna fuck & suck on somebodies babyy dadyy. unhhh. lil mama " then hearing my bestie say " it dosnt get anyworse then meens baby mama "

but for some reason i have fallen head over heels with the dis functional way you love me. our relationship cant & never will be perfect. but i accept that. i accept your mood swings. i accept your needy ness. i accept your harsh & cruel words who`s only real purpose is to push me further away from you to simply test the authentic`ness of the love i have for you. i accept the fact that your a pathological lier. i accept it all .

" now dont you believe that love is worth a fight. & you are everything that i missing. sooo give us a chance. "
- danity kane

so now im hanging on a thread. a thread so so thin that with in mins it can break. but im hanging in there. dont cut me loose, i beg of you=/ .

-jenee `lezlie `crawford