" Pleasure turns to pain
Of the lessons learned from strain
Of the questions burned in my brain
About whether love is humane in its touch
These thoughts are like salmons swimming
Upstreamin the tears of your deceit
Fighting the currnet hurt that kills
more than is created by the chaos of our interwined emotions
Chaotic because the anchor of Eros' arrow has been plucked
From the vessel of my undying infatuation
Separation not as simple as the distance between us
My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been
The overseers of my enslavement to your lies
The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they've
cracked the foundation of what we once shared
Allowing the faith in us i had sealed to gush out
Like a river ripping the image of our future together
From my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if
It were a child being taken from his its mother
I'm left surrounded in darkness but i refuse to be swallowedby it.
My lonliness like the night air
Invisible to the eye
Obvious to the touch
In its cold uncomfortableness
Yet if I could do it all over again
I'd do it in the same skin I'm in
To lay down and let love die
Just stay down and let love lie
No no not I
I'll stay around and let love fly
Even though I've seen its darkest for Deceit
Nothin else could taste this warm or feel this sweet. "

pray to GOD you can cope !

i should `be crying .

but i just cant let it show.

i should `be hoping . . .

but i `cant stop thinking.

all the things we should of said that we never said.

all the things we should of done that we never did.

all `the things we should of givin.

but i` didnt.

ooh darling.

`just make it go.

just make it go away`.

i need U the most rite now !

-im diving head first into his love.
-if he doesnt catch me,
-i dont know who well.

easy come & easy go.
nothing last forever.
& no one is original.
eventually everything would die & fade.
& other things would just simply disappear.
everyone is saying the same thing.
the game doesn't change . just the people.
everyone wants to be a different breed.
but truth be told ; we all been milked by the same cow.
unique`ness no longer exsist.
& nither does great`ness.
because everyone seems to be sub`blinded by other peoples fakeness.
the world doesnt change. it just recycles.
& love doesnt hurt people. people hurt people.
so while nothing changes but the status quo.
& while people die trying to reach the highest peek of true bliss.
i`ll just sit & wait for the day complete happiness well come my way.
but i guess until that day misery awaits.
while i`ll sit & ask my past.
to lead me to my future.
-jene`e lezlie crawford ( 4.17.o8 . . 11:o3am )

lord please give me faith. & have sympathy on my soul. i come to you in my worst days. currently i'm at the peak of falling off the edge. i surrender ! i give up. i just need you to guide me in the right path. give me a push in the right direction. lord please forgive me. have mercy. lord Jesus please. just have mercy.